Today’s post will be short, but it is a great epiphany.
Up until about a month ago, I felt like I was locked out of my own life.
I tried all the knobs and windows to see if I could break in somehow, but I failed. So outside I stayed, grimacing in the wind and rain. I took shelter in a lot of other people lives, we had great times, I grew and changed a lot. But you can’t pretend another person’s life is your own. You will never get any peace.
I think the reason I felt locked out was because I’ve been caught up in the past.
My ex husband and I had a very happy life together in the beginning, and a very close group of friends that we spent all our time with. Once he moved out and things got rough, everyone went about their own lives, which is completely natural to do. But I don’t think I ever really did.
We all talk to each other and miss eachother, we rehash old times when we meet up, but some part of me has always been waiting for everyone to get back together as friends, I suppose. Or maybe I want to reclaim that feeling I had back then. It was an amazing time in all our lives. I was madly in love with my then husband, and all my new found friends. I felt safe and content for the very first time in my life. I was 24.
That magic will only happen once, and I don’t blame myself for waiting on the front porch for some one to let me back in.
Get over it Ms. Moxie.
When life moves people in, let them in. When life moves people out, let them go. Trying to hold on too tightly or push something away, results in living in purgatory. The past is never gone. It’s always there as a part of you. It has altered you somehow.
I get extremely annoyed with people who are in constant love with “the perfect past”. Sniffle, sniffle, the perfect past. Yet I was one of them.
Life didn’t stop a few years ago, it’s still happening right now, right this moment, as I’m writing to you (with a tummy ache from too much coffee and a Butterfinger for breakfast). If life can be great once, it can be great again. Adapt. You cannot be a ghost in your own life, walk into the light and embrace the “new normal” with everything you’ve got.
There was no specific experience that lead me to this conclusion. I suppose it was two years of little and big experiences that have lead me into a life that is completely mine. Whether I wanted it at the time or not.
Somewhere in between inspirational quote one and inspirational quote one thousand, I found a way back in. Things have changed completely, but somehow, probably by diving into my current life, the “new normal” became a bright and sunny place.
For those of you who never think it will happen, it will. You just have to let it.
… and her new life.