Last week, I discussed in great detail four major signs that you may be in a toxic friendship. Halfway through typing out The Single Mom’s Guide to Toxic Friendships: Part One, I realized that it would be way better as a two part post, considering I was going way past my 300-500 word limit. I ended up at over 1000 words, and I still have a lot more to say on the subject. Many of these experiences are my own personal ones, but they are also the experiences of my friends and family. I’ve also noticed people who have had to ditch toxic friends, explain these behaviors to me as the reason they jumped ship.
So here it goes! From my experiences to your mobile device! The Single Mom’s Guide to Toxic Friendships: Part Two!
Toxic Friendship Sign Five: Constantly stirring the pot with your ex-husband or child’s father.
Having some one that has your back is a prerequisite to friendship. Being a single mom is stressful, and we all need to vent to a true friend. However, having a friend who is constantly stirring up drama related to your ex-husband or children’s father is not healthy. When you co-parent, it benefits you to (at least try to) get along with your ex for the sake of your child or children. This means adulting. This also means biting the bullet once and while and letting annoyances go. It’s important to have a friend who understands the delicate balance of co-parenting and realizes that everyone suffers when the adults don’t get along. Regardless of how annoying your ex can be, venting is healthy, but looking for reasons to be upset is not.
Toxic Friendship Sign Six: You never feel good enough around them.
You just can’t win with some people. No matter how badly you think you two should click as friends, there is just something keeping you from relaxing and being yourself around that person. It might be a toxic friendship if you feel like you need to compete with them. Or you feel like you need to act a certain way to be accepted by them. Or you need to defend your feelings or actions constantly. Or if you have to talk yourself up to feel on their level. Side note, sometimes this isn’t even about the other person, if you don’t feel good enough around certain people then perhaps this has something to do with how you feel about yourself. Might be time to take stock of your feelings and figure out what’s up. We all are guilty of trying to keep up with our peers, but in my opinion, a true friendship should be more relaxed than that.
Toxic Friendship Sign Seven: Shows interest in the man you like.
I always thought it was an unspoken rule in girl world that you stay away from the guy your friend likes. This means you don’t seriously flirt with your friend’s crush for attention, and you certainly don’t sleep with him. I once had a horribly toxic friend kiss my then husband right in front of me. Yes, it was “just” a kiss on the cheek, but it was a long nuzzling weird kiss that made me horribly uncomfortable. Afterwards, she whispered something in his ear, gave me a dirty look, and walked away. I was kamikazed by this. It happened in slow motion, I was super pregnant at the time, and I’ve never forgotten a second of it. My ex-husband just laughed it off and moved back to his current conversation. However, I was crushed by this line-crossing from some one who was supposed to be my ally in life. Girls are competitive, sure, but if your friend can’t shut it off long enough to support you in your romantic life then send her ass back to the toxic waste dump.
Toxic Friendship Sign Eight: Can’t shake those bad vibes.
Your intuition is what truly guides you in life. It’s how you sense what place a person is coming from when they tell you something. It’s how you sense what paths to take in life. Some people are just not meant to be friends, for whatever reason they just never click. When you can’t shake those negative vibes, but you force that friendship anyways, your setting yourself up for a lot of awkwardness and possibly even bad blood. If you can sense that some one isn’t trustworthy, they probably aren’t. If you can sense that a person isn’t genuine and they are just going through the motions, they probably are. There is nothing more draining than a faux friendship, and I think we can all agree that life is way too short.
With that I conclude my many signs of a toxic friendship. Every person has their place in this world, don’t get me wrong. A bad friendship for you may be a dream for some one else. In 2017, I suggest we send these toxic friends back out into the world, to find a more compatible friendship with another friend, or perhaps therapist…
Detox some more,
Did you miss the first part of this post? Never fear! Just click here to read more!